Life's Amazing Secret

 

Life's amazing secret is to live a happy life with integrity and with balance in four crucial areas of our life i.e. our Personal life, our Relationship, our Work life and in social contribution. 

Let's look at how Gopar Gaur Das, in his book 'Life's Amazing Secret,  advices us to maintain the balance between these four wheels of our life. 

Wheel 1 - Personal Life 

a) Positive attitude 

• We must have a positive mindset while dealing with any problems. Think : Is there anything positive about the situation I am in ? 

• We cannot neglect negative situations but we can deal with them constructively by focusing on positives. 

•Most of the times we don't see things as 'they are'  instead we see them as 'we are'. So, our outlook towards things depends on whether we have a positive or negative mindset. 

•Everything and every relationship changes for better and for worse. How we choose to see that change is upto us. 

•We often think that the things which were bright once have now turned dull. May be things haven't become dull instead it's our perception about them that have changed. It's human nature to always look for negatives. 

• Developing positive state of mind takes time. When you have any negative thoughts about people, immediately counter them with their 3 positive qualities.

• Gratitude is the key to remain positive and happy. It's not the happy people who are grateful but it's the grateful people who are happy. 

b) Press Pause 

•Paradox of our times is that who have the most can often be least satisfied. We have mastered, how to look successful but not how to organise our lives so that we can feel that we are successful.

•We tend to exclude the parts of our lives which aren't directly related to hardwork and wealth. Instead we all must press 'pause button' from our daily schedule and reflect on the grateful things. 

•Make it a habit to write gratitude log every morning, it will leave you feeling positive for rest of the day. You can write something as simple as someone smiling at you or you gave your train seat to someone etc, in your log.

c) Why worry 

• Whatever situation comes in life always analyse : is this under my control ? If not, then don't worry about it. 

•This doesn't means we become lazy, we should do everything in power to handle the problem/situation but after that we have to stop. 

d) Meditation

•Meditation helps us to become best version of ourselves as it relieves stress and makes us creative according to modern science. 

• It's like plane where when you look outside, it doesn't look like you are moving fast but hours later you land halfway across the world. 

Wheel 2 - Relationship

a) Speaking sensitively 

• We must be sensitive with our words and actions towards others. 

• to practice sensitivity - 

i) treat everyone better than you would like to be treated.

ii) treat even the inanimate object with respect. The whole universe is connected, the way we act in one area of life can have consequences on another.

iii) Don't breed familiarity contempt, which is common because when we are so much familiar with someone(eg our partner or parents), we forget how important they are for us and the correct way to behave with them. 

b) A Virtuous vision towards others

• types of people 

Type 1 - People who can't see good in others and only tends to magnify bad. This arise because of dislike and insecurity.

Type 2 - Person who sees both good and bad but neglect good qualities. For eg our families and friends do so many good things, but we neglect them and focus only on negatives. 

Type 3 - People who see both but is neutral. They are disconnected from everyone & everything due to self absorption. It's impossible to find such person.

Type 4 - They can see both but neglect bad qualities of others. It requires conscious effort to stay away from human tendency to see the bad.

Type 5 - Those who can't see bad at all. They see slight good and magnify it. Only God can reach this stage. 

• Ideal stage for our relationships to flourish is stage four but reaching here requires consistent hardwork.

c) Correcting cautiously 

•Mutual funds and relationships have one thing in common - we must invest before we withdraw. There is no substitute for spending quality time with each other. 

• If you want to correct something about your partner then always first ask yourself - are my intentions right ? If you are doing this to help them as a friend, then go ahead and correct him/her politely with respect. 

•Always mind your tone. Sometimes, it's not important what you say, important is how you said it. Tone of voice account for more than your words. 

d) Forgiveness 

•Forgiveness helps to improve the relationship. Principles of forgiveness are -; 

i) look beyond the situation - if we are hurt by someone's word, try to understand why they spoke them. Try to see what they are going through, this is empathy. When people act harshly towards us, most of the time they are also suffering. 

ii)Separate episode fron the person - Saying 'its my problem' makes us feel guilty and develop into inferiority complex. Saying 'its your problem' makes us angry. Saying 'its the problem', separate problem from the person and that's when we deal with the actual problem. 

iii) Higher purpose - in case of problems, focus on the higher purpose that brought you together. Relationships are tested in difficult times. To accept someone when everything is going right is easy but when falling apart that's the test of relationship. Love is, when we have every reason to break up but still we don't. 

e) Association matters 

• Our association with anyone has a very powerful effect on us - it can mend us or bend us. So always be very careful while choosing your company. 

•Every intimate association starts with sharing of things first, then foods and finally our thoughts, values and beliefs with someone. 

Wheel 3 - Work Life 

a) Competition 

•People are competing with each other in all spheres of their work life eg sports, business, politics and everything. 

•This unhealthy competition leads to jealously,  unhappiness and many other health problems. 

• If we continue comparing ourselves with others, we succumb to ordinaries. We can start blindly imitating others and lose our essence. 

•If we want to grow, we must develop healthy competition. Healthy competition is about competing with ourselves and becoming better version of ourselves everyday. 

b) Self discovery 

•Everyone has unique talents and gifts. If God would have revealed them on the day of our birth, there would have been no excitement in the journey. 

•Self discovery isn't onetime, it's a lifetime journey. We need to unwrap multiple layers before actually discovering our true potential.

• Ikigai - It's a Japanese word which means 'reason to live. Concept of ikigai is very important in self discovery. If you want to read the book summary of ikigai Click here

Wheel 4 - Social contribution 

•First three wheels were for ourselves because we can help others only when we have fully helped ourselves. And the fourth wheel is for 'helping others'

• Philosophy of ice cream(selfish) is enjoy before melting (i.e. enjoy yourselves before you die) and philosophy of candle is give light to others before melting. Life is a lesson from being a ice cream to becoming a candle. 

• At first, start treating every member of your family selflessly. Selflessness starts from home but it shouldn't end there. 

• Slowly expand your selflessness circle by serving your community and your nation. 

• To make it spiritual, we need to follow the right action with right intention and in right mood.

Favourite Quotes 

• Behind the smiles, everyone is going through personal struggles we know nothing about. 

•The first thing is to be honest with yourself. 

• The journey of thousand miles begin with one step. 

• Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one who finds the gold. 

•The service you do to others is the rent you pay for your room here on Earth. 

•We all have two ears and one mouth, we should use them proportionately. 

•Relationships follow the same principle as growing plant. Constant care is required. 

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